301223 matters of the heart

i hate talking about such personal things but this has been bothering me for months now and i feel like i need to just let it out!!! ive been feeling really heartbroken lately and maybe it's just a delayed reaction but no matter how much i try to let go or convince myself to move on, i still feel so shitty when i think of her. we were together and everything was going great until she just dumped me out of the blue (on our anniversary and right before finals too!) um i think i got lovebombed basically and she just shut down completely on communication and cut me off

im someone who gets attached easily and loves intensely, so it's not unusual for me to take such a long time to get over someone. but knowing this doesn't make it easier for me at all and i just feel so frustrated that im still feeling so sad over someone who hurt me really badly!!! i miss her terribly and some egotistical part of me also wants her to miss me back. another part of me also blames myself for this happening, even though i know this is a completely irrational feeling.

i find myself falling down the downward spiral of thinking "what if i did this/said this/asked her this/did something earlier/did something differently" and i have to remind myself that a relationship is ultimately a two-way street and she was just not reciprocating the decency or effort that i put into communicating and trying to fix things. my friends get upset when i tell them i miss her because they think i deserve so much better and that shes not worth crying over. i dont know what to think sometimes

i hope this gut wrenching feeling goes away soon. i need advice so if any of you have any thoughts, feel free to let me know or drop it in my guestbook! here are some poems ive been thinking about lately

- j